Navigate with us:

• About the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen
• Summary of the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think
• Chapter 1: Where Your Feelings Really Come From
• Chapter 2: The Thought Trap – How We Get Stuck in Our Own Heads
• Chapter 3: Breaking Free from Negative Thoughts
• Chapter 4: Letting Go of Stress and Worry
• Chapter 5: Choosing How You Want to Feel
• Chapter 6: How to Stop Creating Your Own Suffering
• Chapter 7: Living a Happier, Peaceful Life
• Takeaway and final review of the book

About the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen

This book gives you something better: a whole new way of seeing your life, your problems, and surprises! your thoughts. It tells you that all that stress, anxiety, and frustration you feel isn’t coming from your boss, your to-do list, or that traffic jam you just hit. Nope. It’s coming from inside your own head. That’s right, you’re the mastermind behind your emotional rollercoaster, and the good news is you’ve been holding the controls this whole time. You just didn’t know it.

The big idea here is that your thoughts are the real culprit. We spend so much time believing them, letting them boss us around like they’re in charge. But this book shows you that your thoughts are more like passing clouds – sometimes fluffy and light, other times stormy, but always moving on if you just let them. You don’t have to chase every thought down or wrestle with it. You can just notice it, wave it goodbye, and get on with your day. Think of it like being the DJ at your own mental party. Sure, some bad songs will play, but you can always skip to the next one.

It’s all about simplifying things. You don’t have to read a hundred self-help books or meditate on a mountaintop to figure out how to stop suffering. The answer’s right there in how you see the world. You get to decide how you react, how long you dwell on that frustrating email, and how much power you give your negative thoughts. It’s like being handed the ultimate life hack: less drama, more peace, and maybe even a few laughs along the way.

In short, this book is like the best pep talk you’ve ever had. It reminds you that while life may not be perfect, you don’t have to be held hostage by your thoughts or emotions. You’re the one in charge, and once you see that, the world just feels a whole lot lighter.

Summary of the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think: 

If someone handed you the secret recipe for happiness – one that could help you stop worrying, end emotional suffering, and feel however you want, whenever you want. That’s basically what this book claims to offer, but without the magic wand or complicated spell. It’s a total paradigm shift, a fancy way of saying it flips your understanding of life upside down, but in a good way.

The core idea is pretty simple once you get it: all of your emotions and thoughts? They’re coming from inside you, not the outside world. That’s right. Your boss isn’t really making you stressed; your thoughts about your boss are. The weather isn’t actually ruining your day; your thoughts about the weather are. It’s not what happens to you that’s the issue—it’s your thinking about it. But here’s the catch: we’re all really good at blaming everything around us for our feelings. We’re pros at it. This book is here to tell you that it’s like trying to fix your TV by banging on the refrigerator. It’s just not where the problem is.

Now, what’s really intriguing is how the book dives into the root cause of all our emotional suffering. Spoiler alert: it’s us. More specifically, it’s our thoughts. We spend so much time tangled up in our own thinking, assuming that these thoughts are real or permanent. But thoughts are like clouds – they come and go. Sometimes they block the sun, but the sun is still there, shining behind all the mental noise. The key is realizing that you don’t have to grab onto every single thought that floats by. You can let it drift away and, voila, less suffering.

The author has a way of saying that all this suffering we experience, from anxiety to frustration, is really just an illusion. That might sound a bit extreme, but stick with it. The illusion is that we think life is happening to us, instead of realizing we’re creating our experience through the way we think about life. We’re like the director, writer, and actor in the film of our lives, but we often forget and think we’re just extras in someone else’s production. The book encourages us to step into that awareness, take back the role of director, and decide how we want to feel about any given situation.

Let’s get to the practical side of this. You might be thinking, “Okay, that’s great in theory, but when my coworker eats the last donut or I hit traffic for the fifth time this week, I’m still going to be annoyed, right?” Well, yes, you might feel annoyed, but the difference is, now you get to decide how long you want to stay in that emotional state. You realize you’re not stuck there. You can notice the thought – “Ugh, traffic again” – and let it pass. Or, you can grab onto it, analyze it, stew over it, and let it ruin your whole evening. It’s like having a mental remote control. You’re not just watching whatever terrible program is on; you’re choosing the channel.

One of the most eye-opening parts of the book is how it breaks down the idea of suffering itself. We tend to think of suffering as something that happens to us – we lose a job, go through a breakup, or spill coffee on a white shirt. But this book argues that suffering isn’t actually in the event, it’s in the story we tell ourselves about the event. Let’s say you spill coffee on yourself. Is that bad? Maybe. But it’s only “bad” because you decide it’s bad. Someone else might laugh it off, while another person might feel like their whole day is ruined. Same event, totally different experiences. The magic happens when you realize you have control over how you write those stories.

This doesn’t mean you have to be a robot, always choosing “happy” like a broken record. It’s more about understanding that your thoughts and emotions are temporary, and you don’t have to hold onto the negative ones. It’s like standing on the shore, watching waves come and go. Some waves are big and scary, others are calm and peaceful, but none of them last forever. And just like the ocean, your thoughts are constantly flowing, shifting, and moving. You can surf those waves instead of getting knocked over by them.

At its heart, the book is like a giant permission slip to stop taking your thoughts so seriously. We’ve all been taught that our thoughts define us or that they’re super important. But in reality, most of our thoughts are just noise. Once you understand that, you can start living with more peace and less stress, because you realize that you’re the one in charge of how you feel. It’s a liberating idea, and it doesn’t require years of therapy or mastering ancient meditation techniques. It’s about seeing what’s always been there: your mind is powerful, but you’re the one holding the remote.

So, in conclusion, this book is like a guide to mental freedom. It teaches you to stop believing every thought you have, helps you recognize that suffering is self-created, and empowers you to choose how you want to feel. And the best part? It’s all already inside you. You don’t need to go searching for happiness or peace they’re sitting there, just waiting for you to realize you’ve had them all along.

Chapter 1: Where Your Feelings Really Come From

Let’s start with a big realization: your feelings are not coming from the outside world. I know, it’s tempting to blame your bad day on your boss, that rude driver, or the rain that ruined your hair, but here’s the deal  your emotions don’t come from those things. They come from inside you. Yes, your feelings are an inside job, created by the way you think about what’s happening around you. It’s like you’re wearing a pair of invisible sunglasses that color how you see everything. Some days, you wear the ‘happy-go-lucky’ glasses, and everything’s great. Other days, you’ve got on the ‘grumpy cat’ glasses, and suddenly, everything’s annoying. The trick is realizing that you can change those glasses whenever you want.

We all tend to live as if our emotions are controlled by external forces. That’s why you might hear things like, “He made me so mad,” or “This weather is really depressing me.” But here’s where this book drops the truth bomb: no one can make you feel anything. I know, it sounds a little harsh at first, but think about it. Two people can be in the same situation and have completely different reactions. One person spills coffee on their shirt and laughs it off; another spills coffee and it ruins their entire day. The coffee didn’t change, but their thoughts about it sure did.

So, what does this mean for you? It means you have way more control over how you feel than you ever realized. When you start to see that your feelings are coming from your thoughts, not the people, events, or things around you it’s a mental game changer. Suddenly, you’re not at the mercy of whatever life throws at you. You’re in the driver’s seat. Sure, you might not be able to control the traffic, the weather, or your boss’s mood, but you can absolutely control how you react to it. That’s pretty empowering, right? Now, I can already hear the objections: “But sometimes I just feel bad, and it has nothing to do with my thoughts!” Trust me, I get it. We’ve all had those days where it feels like we woke up on the wrong side of the bed for no reason. But even in those moments, it’s worth asking yourself, “What am I thinking right now?” You might be surprised at the negative narrative running in the background. Maybe it’s something as simple as, “Ugh, it’s Monday again,” or “I’ve got too much to do today.” These little thoughts sneak in and start to shape how we feel without us even realizing it.

This book wants you to start paying attention to those sneaky thoughts. When you notice yourself feeling upset, stressed, or anxious, take a pause and check in with your mind. What’s going on up there? Nine times out of ten, you’ll find there’s a thought lurking around, causing all the trouble. And here’s the best part: once you spot it, you can do something about it. You don’t have to let every thought that pops into your head ruin your mood. You can let it go, like a balloon drifting off into the sky. Bye-bye, stressful thoughts!

The truth is, we’ve all been taught to believe that our emotions are out of our hands, like they’re something that just happens to us. But once you understand that your feelings are created by your thoughts, you start to see the power you really have. You don’t have to ride the emotional rollercoaster just because it showed up. You can choose how you want to feel by choosing how you respond to your thoughts. And no, this doesn’t mean you’ll be happy 100% of the time. That’s just unrealistic. But it does mean that when negative emotions pop up, you’ll know they’re not permanent, and you’re not stuck with them.

Something annoying happens like your favorite shirt getting stained and instead of spiraling into frustration, you just take a deep breath and think, “It’s just a shirt, no big deal.” Or maybe you’re stuck in traffic and instead of getting stressed, you think, “Well, I guess I have more time to listen to my favorite podcast.” That’s the power of recognizing where your feelings really come from. You’re no longer letting life control your mood like it’s some kind of emotional puppet master.

Of course, this isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect all the time. Life’s going to throw challenges your way, and you’ll still feel emotions like sadness, anger, or disappointment. That’s natural. But the difference is, you’ll know that those feelings are temporary, and they’re coming from your thoughts. And since your thoughts are just visitors passing through your mind, you can choose whether to entertain them or show them the door.

The bottom line is, you have way more power over how you feel than you’ve been led to believe. Your emotions aren’t happening to you; they’re happening because of the way you think. And while you can’t control everything that happens around you, you can definitely control your reactions. So, next time you feel like the world is out to get you, take a step back and ask yourself, “What am I thinking right now?” You might just find that your feelings have more to do with your own mind than with whatever’s going on around you. And once you see that, you’re well on your way to creating the kind of emotional experience you actually want, one thought at a time.

Chapter 2: The Thought Trap – How We Get Stuck in Our Own Heads

The inside of our own heads. It’s like a theme park where the rides are our thoughts, and guess what? We’re the ones who keep jumping on, even when the ride makes us dizzy, stressed, or downright miserable. Welcome to the Thought Trap! It’s where we get stuck, thinking the same things over and over, going in circles like a hamster on a wheel, without even realizing that we’re the ones making ourselves go round and round.

Here’s how it works. A thought pops into your head. It could be something innocent like, “I wonder if I locked the door?” Harmless enough, right? But then your brain decides to turn that tiny thought into a full-blown mental investigation. “Did I lock it? Maybe I didn’t. I should go back and check. But what if I didn’t lock it and someone breaks in? What if they steal my stuff?” Before you know it, a simple question has spiraled into a full on panic about imaginary burglars. You’ve officially fallen into the Thought Trap. Congratulations!

The problem with the Thought Trap is that we take our thoughts way too seriously. We believe them, we analyze them, we let them drag us through all kinds of emotional mud. But here’s the truth: just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. I know, shocking, right? Your thoughts are like random passengers on a train—some of them are useful, some of them are weird, and some of them are just plain wrong. But instead of letting the train of thoughts keep moving, we often grab onto one and hold on for dear life, like it’s some kind of fact that we need to figure out immediately. Spoiler alert you don’t.

The funny thing is, we all think we’re being logical when we get stuck in the Thought Trap. We tell ourselves, “I’m just being responsible,” or “I need to solve this problem right now.” But in reality, we’re just going around in circles, thinking the same unhelpful thoughts over and over, getting nowhere. It’s like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that don’t fit. You can try to jam them together all day, but the picture’s never going to make sense.

And don’t get me started on overthinking. Overthinking is like the VIP pass to the Thought Trap. It’s where we take a simple situation and turn it into a complicated mess. Let’s say you send a text to someone, and they don’t respond right away. Instead of just assuming they’re busy, your brain goes into overdrive: “Did I say something wrong? Are they mad at me? Should I have worded it differently? What if they’re ignoring me on purpose?” Before you know it, you’ve written an entire soap opera in your head about a situation that probably doesn’t even exist. That’s overthinking at its finest, folks.

What’s even worse is that we often try to fix the problem by thinking more. We believe that if we just think hard enough, we’ll find the solution. But here’s the kicker: you can’t think your way out of a Thought Trap. The more you think, the deeper you sink. It’s like quicksand for your brain. You’re better off letting go of the need to figure everything out and just watching your thoughts pass by, like clouds in the sky. Some days they’re fluffy and nice, and some days they’re stormy, but either way, they’ll move on if you let them.

So, why do we get stuck in our own heads in the first place? A lot of it comes down to how we’ve been trained to think. We live in a world that values overanalyzing everything. We’re told to think things through, weigh our options, and consider every possible outcome. While that can be useful sometimes, it also sets us up to overthink even the smallest things. Instead of trusting ourselves to make decisions and move on, we keep turning the problem over and over in our minds, hoping that somehow more thinking will lead to a magical solution. 

The real magic happens when you realize you don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head. Thoughts are just mental chatter. Sometimes they’re helpful, but often they’re just noise. It’s like having a radio playing in the background, some stations are worth listening to, and others are just static. You wouldn’t sit there and listen to static all day, would you? So why do we let ourselves get stuck in the static of our own thoughts?

What if, instead of trying to fix every thought, you just let it be? What if you could step back and watch your thoughts come and go without getting caught up in them? It’s not about controlling your thoughts, it’s about not letting them control you. When you see a thought that’s unhelpful, you don’t have to chase it down and wrestle with it. You can just notice it and let it float by, like a balloon drifting off into the sky. Bye-bye, anxious thoughts. See you never!

The Thought Trap loses its power the moment you realize you don’t have to play along. You can choose to step off the mental hamster wheel and give yourself a break. And when you do that, you’ll find that a lot of the things you were worried about don’t seem so big or scary anymore. In fact, you might even laugh at how ridiculous some of your overthinking was in the first place. You’ll see that most of your thoughts were just exaggerated stories your mind made up to keep you spinning in circles.

Once you start doing this, life becomes a lot lighter. You won’t feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world in your head. Instead, you’ll have more mental space for things that actually matter. You’ll be able to focus on what’s happening right now, in the present moment, without getting lost in a maze of thoughts about the past or the future. And trust me, that’s a way more peaceful and enjoyable place to be.

Chapter 3: Breaking Free from Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts are like those uninvited guests who show up at your party and refuse to leave. You didn’t ask for them, you don’t want them, but somehow, they always seem to make themselves at home. You’re trying to enjoy life, and suddenly, here comes that nagging little voice saying things like, “You’re not good enough,” “You’re going to fail,” or the classic, “Why did you even bother trying?” These thoughts can be persistent, like an old song stuck on repeat, except it’s not even a good song. It’s more like the worst elevator music you can imagine.

So, how do we break free from these negative thoughts that seem to cling to us like lint on a black sweater? First, it’s important to understand that everyone has negative thoughts. Yes, even that friend who seems like they have their life perfectly together. The trick isn’t to eliminate these thoughts completely, it’s about learning how to deal with them when they show up.

Negative thoughts are tricky because they often masquerade as facts. They show up in your mind and convince you that they’re telling the truth. “You’re never going to get that job” feels like a legitimate prediction, doesn’t it? But here’s the thing: just because a thought crosses your mind doesn’t mean it’s based in reality. Thoughts are just mental chatter. Sometimes they’re true, but a lot of the time, they’re just stories we’ve told ourselves so many times that we’ve started to believe them.

It’s easy to string together these moments and build a case against yourself, as if you’re the prosecutor in your own trial. But here’s the catch: those negative thoughts are incredibly selective. They conveniently ignore all the times you were good enough, like when you aced that project at work or helped a friend through a tough time. Negative thoughts have a habit of focusing on the bad stuff while pretending the good stuff never happened. It’s like having a biased news channel playing in your head, only reporting on the disasters and ignoring the successes.

The first step in breaking free from negative thoughts is recognizing that they’re not facts. They’re opinions, and often, they’re not even your opinions, they’re just things you’ve picked up from other people or past experiences. It’s like carrying around old baggage that doesn’t belong to you anymore. The good news is, you can put that baggage down anytime you want. You don’t have to keep dragging it with you. Now, here’s where it gets interesting. Once you’ve identified that a thought is negative and not necessarily true, what do you do with it? One option is to challenge it. Ask yourself, “Is this thought really true? Is there actual evidence to support it?” Most of the time, you’ll find that your negative thoughts don’t hold up under scrutiny. That’s because they’re based on fear, insecurity, or past failures, not on objective reality. And even when they are rooted in something real, that doesn’t mean they have to dictate your future.

For example, let’s say you’ve convinced yourself that you’re bad at public speaking because you stumbled over your words once during a presentation. Does that one experience mean you’re destined to be terrible at public speaking forever? Of course not. It was one moment in time, and it doesn’t define your abilities as a whole. But when we let negative thoughts take control, we start believing that our past mistakes are predictors of our future performance. In reality, mistakes are just learning experiences. They’re not life sentences.

Another technique for breaking free from negative thoughts is to simply observe them without getting caught up in them. This might sound a little strange at first, but bear with me. Instead of trying to fight off negative thoughts or argue with them, what if you just noticed them and let them pass by? Imagine you’re sitting by a river, and your thoughts are like leaves floating on the water. Some of those leaves are positive and uplifting, and some are negative and critical. Instead of grabbing onto the negative ones and letting them drag you downstream, you can just watch them float by.

This approach is powerful because it stops you from getting sucked into the negativity. You don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head. You can acknowledge a negative thought without letting it take over your mood or your day. It’s like hearing a rude comment from a stranger, you don’t have to take it personally or let it ruin your afternoon. You can just think, “Huh, that was weird,” and move on with your life. Mindfulness can be a helpful tool in this process. Mindfulness is all about staying present in the moment and observing your thoughts without judgment. When you’re mindful, you’re less likely to get lost in a spiral of negative thinking because you’re focused on what’s happening right now, not on your mental commentary about it. You might be surprised at how many negative thoughts lose their power when you stop feeding them with attention.

It’s also important to remember that breaking free from negative thoughts is a process, not a one-time fix. You’re going to have days when those negative thoughts come flooding back, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to never have a negative thought again; the goal is to not let them run the show. You get to be in the driver’s seat of your mind, not your thoughts.

So, the next time you find yourself caught in a loop of negativity, take a step back and remind yourself that your thoughts are just visitors passing through. You don’t have to invite them in, make them dinner, or let them crash on your couch for the night. You can acknowledge them, thank them for their opinion, and then send them on their way. Trust me, your mental space will feel a lot lighter without them hanging around.

Chapter 4: Letting Go of Stress and Worry

Letting go of stress and worry sounds like one of those things that’s easier said than done, right? It’s like being told to “just relax” when you’re in the middle of a meltdown. If relaxing were that easy, we’d all be lounging on beaches with not a care in the world, sipping fancy drinks with little umbrellas in them. But the reality is, stress and worry have a sneaky way of creeping into our lives and setting up camp. They stick around, rent-free, and make us believe that constantly being anxious or stressed is just a normal part of life.

So, why do we get so stressed and worried? Well, for one thing, our brains are designed to keep us alive, not necessarily to keep us calm. Back in the caveman days, stress and worry were useful. You’d see a saber-toothed tiger, freak out, and run for your life. That adrenaline rush was there to save you. But now, most of our worries are not life-threatening. We’re not being chased by wild animals, yet our bodies and minds still react like it’s do-or-die. Instead of worrying about tigers, we stress about work deadlines, bills, or whether we remembered to lock the front door.

The thing about stress and worry is that they love to feed off each other. Worry starts as a little nagging thought, and before you know it, it’s turned into full-blown stress. For example, you might worry about an upcoming presentation at work. You start thinking, “What if I mess up? What if I forget what to say? What if they all think I’m terrible?” Before long, your worry has escalated into physical stress: your heart races, your palms sweat, and you’re convinced you’re on the verge of public humiliation. But here’s the kicker, most of the things we worry about never actually happen. It’s like paying interest on a debt you don’t even owe.

One of the best ways to let go of stress and worry is to realize that a lot of it is based on imagined scenarios. We’re excellent at coming up with worst-case situations, but how often do those worst-case scenarios actually happen? Rarely, if ever. Our minds are great at spinning these “what if” stories, and we buy into them like they’re guaranteed to happen. But here’s the truth: stressing over something that might happen in the future doesn’t prevent it from happening. It just ruins your present moment.

So, how do you start letting go of stress and worry? The first step is to take a deep breath. I know, that sounds like something you’d see on an inspirational Instagram post, but it really works. Stress and worry tend to make our breathing shallow, which signals to our body that something’s wrong. Deep breathing sends the opposite message, it tells your body, “Hey, everything’s okay.” When you slow down your breath, you slow down your mind. It’s a simple way to hit the reset button when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Another helpful approach is to focus on what you can control. Worry often comes from trying to control things that are completely out of our hands. We worry about how other people will react, what the future holds, or things that are totally beyond our influence. But stressing about things you can’t control is like trying to stop the ocean with a bucket—it’s exhausting, and it’s not going to work. Instead, focus on what you can do. If you’re worried about an upcoming event, prepare as best as you can, and then let the rest go. You’ve done your part, and that’s all you can control. The rest is out of your hands.

It’s also important to remember that stress and worry don’t solve problems, they just make you feel miserable while you’re waiting for the problem to solve itself. Think about the times when you’ve worried endlessly about something, only for it to work out fine in the end. All that worrying didn’t actually help,  it just made the journey more unpleasant. Letting go of worry doesn’t mean you’re being irresponsible or that you don’t care, it means you’re choosing to trust that things will unfold as they should, without you having to lose sleep over them.

Mindfulness is another great tool for letting go of stress and worry. It’s all about staying in the present moment instead of getting lost in thoughts about the future or the past. Stress often comes from worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet, while mindfulness keeps you grounded in what’s happening right now. It’s like pulling yourself out of a mental tornado and reminding yourself, “Okay, in this exact moment, everything is fine.” It’s about taking things one step at a time instead of getting overwhelmed by everything all at once.

One thing to keep in mind is that some level of stress is normal, and even healthy. It’s what pushes us to meet deadlines, perform well, and take action when necessary. But when stress becomes chronic, that’s when it turns into a problem. Chronic stress is like carrying around a heavy backpack all day, every day. It wears you down, both mentally and physically. Letting go of unnecessary worry is like taking off that backpack, you feel lighter, more relaxed, and better able to handle life’s challenges.

At the end of the day, stress and worry are just thoughts, and thoughts can be changed. You’re not stuck with them forever. By practicing mindfulness, focusing on what you can control, and reminding yourself that most worries are just stories your mind makes up, you can start to break free from their grip. Life’s too short to spend it stressing about every little thing. So, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and let go of that extra mental baggage. You’ll be amazed at how much lighter you feel when you’re not carrying the weight of unnecessary stress and worry around with you.

Chapter 5: Choosing How You Want to Feel

Choosing how you want to feel sounds almost magical, doesn’t it? It’s like having the superpower to wake up and decide, “Today, I’m going to feel joyful, calm, and maybe a little adventurous.” But let’s be honest, it usually feels like our emotions just happen to us, like some kind of weather pattern we have no control over. One moment, it’s sunny and bright, and the next, it’s a storm of frustration because your coffee spilled, your internet crashed, and everything seems to be falling apart. But what if I told you that you actually do have a say in how you feel? Yep, it’s not just wishful thinking; it’s a choice.

Now, you might be thinking, “Come on, if I could choose to be happy all the time, wouldn’t I already be doing that?” Well, here’s the thing, most of us don’t realize that our emotions are driven by our thoughts. We walk around reacting to everything, believing that our feelings are out of our control. Someone cuts you off in traffic, and bam, you’re furious. Your boss sends you a cryptic email, and suddenly, you’re stressed out of your mind. It feels automatic, like you’re at the mercy of the world around you. But in reality, those feelings are coming from your thoughts about those events, not the events themselves.

Let’s break it down. Imagine you’re standing in line at the grocery store, and the person in front of you has, like, 47 coupons and a question about every item. Your first thought might be, “This is taking forever. Why do I always get stuck in the slowest line?” And that thought triggers frustration. But what if you decided to think something different, like, “Well, this gives me more time to scroll through funny cat videos on my phone” or “I’m glad I’m not in a rush today.” The situation hasn’t changed, but your mindset has, and suddenly, you feel less irritated. You’ve just chosen a different feeling by changing your thoughts.

This doesn’t mean you have to slap a happy face on every situation. We’re not talking about ignoring or suppressing negative emotions—that’s not healthy. Sometimes you’re going to feel angry, sad, or anxious, and that’s okay. But choosing how you want to feel means recognizing that you have the power to shift your perspective. You can decide to stay stuck in a negative thought loop, or you can take a step back and choose a thought that feels better. It’s like flipping a mental switch.

The tricky part is that we often don’t even notice our thoughts. They’re running in the background like a playlist on repeat, and we’re so used to them that we don’t question them. But if you start paying attention to what’s going on in your mind, you might realize that a lot of your thoughts are, well, not exactly helpful. Maybe you’re walking around with a mental playlist full of self-doubt, worry, and frustration, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling stuck. The good news is, you can change the playlist.

The first step to choosing how you want to feel is becoming aware of the thoughts that are driving your emotions. If you’re feeling stressed, ask yourself, “What am I thinking right now?” You might discover that you’re telling yourself something like, “I have too much to do, and I’ll never get it all done.” No wonder you’re stressed! But once you see that thought, you can challenge it. Is it really true that you’ll never get everything done? Probably not. Maybe a more helpful thought would be, “I’ll tackle one thing at a time, and it’ll get done when it gets done.” That shift in thinking can lead to a shift in how you feel.

Choosing your feelings doesn’t mean forcing yourself to be positive all the time. That’s exhausting, and honestly, not realistic. Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes you’re going to feel lousy. But even in tough moments, you have a choice in how you respond. You can choose to dwell on the negative or look for something to appreciate, even if it’s small. It’s like finding a sliver of sunshine on a cloudy day. The more you practice choosing better-feeling thoughts, the easier it gets.

It’s also important to recognize that choosing how you want to feel doesn’t mean ignoring your circumstances. If you’re going through a challenging time, it’s okay to feel the full range of emotions that come with it. But even in those moments, you can choose thoughts that support you rather than drag you down. For example, if you’re dealing with a setback, you can choose to think, “This is tough, but I’m resilient, and I’ll figure it out,” instead of, “This is the end of the world.” One thought empowers you, while the other keeps you stuck in despair.

Another key to choosing how you want to feel is focusing on what’s going well. Our brains have a natural negativity bias, which means we’re more likely to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right. But when you consciously look for things to appreciate, you’re training your brain to notice the good. It’s like adjusting the dial on a radio station—suddenly, you’re tuned into gratitude and positivity instead of static and noise. Even on a rough day, there’s always something you can choose to feel good about, whether it’s a kind word from a friend or the fact that you made it through the day.

At the end of the day, choosing how you want to feel is about reclaiming your power. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you respond. You don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances or let your emotions run the show. With a little practice, you can start to shift your thoughts and, in turn, your feelings. It’s not about being happy all the time—it’s about knowing that you have the ability to guide your emotions in a way that serves you. So next time you’re feeling stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed, take a moment to pause, check your thoughts, and ask yourself, “How do I want to feel right now?” You might be surprised at how much lighter and more empowered you feel when you realize that the choice is yours.

Chapter 6: How to Stop Creating Your Own Suffering

Suffering is such a big, dramatic word, isn’t it? It sounds like something from an old tragic novel, where someone’s heart is perpetually breaking, or they’re wandering through the rain, staring at the ground. But here’s the thing: most of the suffering we experience is actually not because of the big dramatic moments. It’s more like the everyday annoyances that pile up and turn into stress, frustration, or that subtle but persistent feeling of being stuck. And the kicker? A lot of that suffering is self-inflicted. Yep, we’re pretty good at creating our own misery without even realizing it.

Now, I’m not saying that life doesn’t throw some serious stuff our way. We all go through tough times of loss, heartbreak, disappointment but even in those moments, a lot of our suffering comes from how we think about those experiences. We’ve got this habit of overthinking, replaying things in our minds, and imagining worst-case scenarios, which only makes us feel worse. It’s like we have this little suffering machine in our heads, and we’re the ones keeping it running.

So how do we stop creating our own suffering? Well, first we have to recognize how we’re doing it. Most of the time, it comes down to the stories we tell ourselves. Let’s say you had a bad day at work. Maybe your boss was short with you, or a project didn’t go as planned. Instead of just dealing with the fact that things didn’t go perfectly today you might start spinning a story: “I’m not good at my job. I’ll never get promoted. My boss probably hates me.” And on and on it goes. Pretty soon, that one bad moment has turned into a whole saga in your mind, and suddenly, you’re feeling way worse than you need to. You’re suffering not because of what happened, but because of the story you’ve created around it.

It’s like getting a paper cut and then deciding to pour salt on it. The original cut stings, sure, but we’re the ones adding the extra pain by dwelling on it, overanalyzing it, or assuming the worst. The key to stopping this cycle is to start questioning the stories we tell ourselves. Ask yourself, “Is this really true? Is this the only way to look at this situation?” Chances are, it’s not. There’s always a different perspective, a different story you could choose that doesn’t involve as much suffering.

The trick is learning to accept things as they are, even if they’re not perfect. That doesn’t mean you have to like everything or that you shouldn’t strive for change where you can, but it does mean recognizing what’s within your control and what isn’t. If you’re stuck in traffic, for example, you can either spend the entire time fuming and wishing the cars would magically disappear (which, spoiler alert, they won’t), or you can accept that you’re going to be late and find a way to make the best of it. Maybe you listen to a podcast, call a friend, or just enjoy the rare moment of stillness in your day. The situation hasn’t changed, but your experience of it has.

We also create suffering when we cling too tightly to expectations. We have all these ideas about how things should be—how our lives should look, how people should treat us, how things should turn out. And when reality doesn’t match up with those expectations, we get upset. But the problem isn’t reality; it’s the gap between what we expected and what actually is. Imagine you’re throwing a party, and you have this vision of how it’s going to go. You’ve planned the perfect playlist, the perfect snacks, and you’re sure everyone will have an amazing time. But then the music keeps skipping, someone spills a punch on your favorite rug, and your neighbor complains about the noise. You could let all of that ruin your night, or you could roll with it, laugh it off, and remember that it’s just one party in a lifetime of experiences. When you let go of rigid expectations, you open yourself up to enjoying things as they are, instead of how you thought they should be.

One of the most powerful ways to stop creating your own suffering is to let go of the need for control. We’re control freaks by nature, wanting everything to go according to plan. But life is unpredictable, and no amount of planning or worrying can guarantee that things will turn out the way we want. The more we try to control everything, the more stressed and anxious we become. It’s like trying to hold onto water with your bare hands—the tighter you grip, the more it slips away.

Letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up or being passive; it just means accepting that there are some things you can’t change, and that’s okay. Instead of trying to control every outcome, focus on what you can control your actions, your attitude, your thoughts. When you stop trying to micromanage everything, you free yourself from a lot of unnecessary stress and suffering. You start to trust that things will work out, maybe not exactly the way you planned, but in a way that’s okay.

Finally, a huge part of stopping self-created suffering is learning to be kind to yourself. We’re often our own worst critics, beating ourselves up for every little mistake or perceived failure. But here’s the thing: no one’s perfect. We all mess up, we all have bad days, and that’s okay. Suffering comes when we hold ourselves to impossible standards or punish ourselves for not being superhuman. What if, instead of criticizing yourself, you treated yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend? It sounds simple, but it makes a world of difference. When you give yourself permission to be imperfect, you release a lot of the pressure and guilt that leads to suffering.

In the end, a lot of our suffering comes from the stories we tell ourselves, our resistance to what is, and our need for control. But when we start to question those stories, accept life’s unpredictability, and treat ourselves with compassion, we can break free from the patterns that keep us stuck. It’s not about never feeling pain or disappointment—that’s part of being human. But we can learn to stop adding extra layers of suffering by choosing a different way to respond to life’s challenges. And honestly, life gets a lot lighter when we stop being so hard on ourselves.

Chapter 7: Living a Happier, Peaceful Life

Living a happier, more peaceful life is something we all want, right? I mean, who doesn’t dream of waking up each morning with a sense of calm and joy, ready to tackle the day with a smile? But here’s the kicker: a lot of us treat happiness like it’s some distant prize we’ll get to eventually. We say things like, “Once I get that promotion,” or “Once I lose 10 pounds,” or “Once I finally get to take that vacation, then I’ll be happy.” The problem with this way of thinking is that it keeps pushing happiness further and further away. It’s always just out of reach, like that last piece of pizza that somehow ended up on the other side of the table.

But here’s a little secret that’s both freeing and kind of annoying: happiness is something you can have right now. Yep, no waiting required. You don’t need to change your job, move to a new city, or fix your whole life to be happy. You just need to stop looking for it in the wrong places. The truth is, happiness doesn’t come from achieving all your goals or having everything perfectly in order. Sure, those things are nice, but they’re not the source of lasting peace or joy. If they were, we’d all be walking around in a constant state of bliss every time we checked something off our to-do list. The real key to a happier, peaceful life lies in how you experience the present moment. Yep, it’s all about right here, right now. When you stop worrying about the future or regretting the past, you start to notice that there’s actually a lot to be happy about in the moment. Maybe it’s something simple, like the warmth of the sun on your face, the sound of your favorite song, or the taste of a delicious cup of coffee. These little moments are always there, but we miss them when we’re too busy stressing out or waiting for the “big” moments to make us happy.

So how do you live a happier life? Well, the first step is realizing that peace and happiness aren’t things you have to chase. They’re things you can choose. It’s about shifting your mindset from “I’ll be happy when…” to “I can be happy now.” And no, this isn’t just some cheesy self-help advice. It’s actually backed by science. Studies have shown that practicing gratitude taking the time to notice and appreciate the good things in your life can have a huge impact on your overall happiness. It’s like turning on a switch that lights up all the things you’ve been taking for granted.

Another big part of finding peace is learning to let go of what you can’t control. I know, I know, easier said than done, right? But think about it: how much of your stress and worry comes from trying to control things that are totally out of your hands? Whether it’s the weather, other people’s opinions, or what’s going to happen next week, we waste so much mental energy on things we literally can’t change. It’s like trying to push a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down every time you stop to catch your breath. Exhausting, right?

The good news is that once you stop trying to control the uncontrollable, you free up a lot of mental space for more important things—like enjoying your life. Instead of worrying about everything that could go wrong, you start focusing on what’s going well. Instead of stressing about the future, you can relax into the present. And let me tell you, the present moment is a pretty good place to be once you stop filling it with anxiety.

Of course, living a peaceful life also means being kinder to yourself. I don’t know about you, but most of us are our own worst critics. We’re quick to beat ourselves up over mistakes, imperfections, or things that don’t go according to plan. But here’s the thing: nobody’s perfect, and trying to be is a one-way ticket to Stress Town. It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to have off days. And it’s definitely okay to not have it all figured out. When you stop expecting yourself to be perfect, you give yourself the space to actually enjoy life as it is, instead of constantly striving for some impossible ideal.

So, instead of beating yourself up for not being where you thought you’d be by now, why not celebrate where you are? Maybe you’re not living your dream life yet, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to be happy about. You’re still here, still growing, and still learning and that’s pretty awesome. Living a happier, peaceful life isn’t about having it all; it’s about appreciating what you’ve got and not letting the little stuff steal your joy.

Another key to peace is learning to let go of unnecessary baggage, those old grudges, resentments, and negative emotions we tend to carry around like a heavy backpack. It’s easy to get stuck in the mindset of “They wronged me, so I’m going to hold onto this bitterness forever.” But here’s the harsh truth: holding onto anger doesn’t hurt the other person; it only weighs you down. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re excusing bad behavior, but it does mean you’re choosing not to let it control your happiness.

When you let go of grudges, judgments, and the need to be right all the time, you create more space for peace. It’s like clearing out the clutter in your mind. Suddenly, you’re not carrying around all that emotional junk, and guess what? Life feels lighter. You start to realize that you don’t have to hold onto every little thing that happens. You can let it go, move on, and focus on the things that actually matter—like spending time with people you love, doing things that make you happy, and living your life without constantly looking over your shoulder at past hurts.

In the end, living a happier, peaceful life isn’t about having a perfect, problem-free existence. It’s about making small choices every day to focus on the good, let go of the bad, and give yourself permission to be human. It’s about finding joy in the little moments, being kind to yourself and others, and trusting that things don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Takeaway and final review of the book:

Feelings Are Temporary: Emotions come and go. Understanding that feelings are not permanent can help you manage them better.

Thoughts Create Feelings: Recognize that your thoughts shape your emotional experiences. Changing your thinking patterns can lead to more positive feelings.

Awareness of Negative Thoughts: Be mindful of your thoughts, especially the negative ones that can trap you. Identifying them is the first step to breaking free.

Question Your Thoughts: Don’t just accept every thought as truth. Challenge them and consider alternative perspectives.

Shift Your Focus: Concentrate on positive aspects of your life rather than dwelling on the negatives. Gratitude practices can help shift your mindset.

Practice Self-Compassion: Be kinder to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and treating yourself with compassion can reduce negative thinking.

Control What You Can: Focus on aspects of your life you can change, and let go of what you can’t control. This reduces unnecessary stress.

Mindfulness Techniques: Engage in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing, to help manage stress and stay present.

Emotional Agency: Realize you have the power to choose how you want to feel. Shift your mindset to embrace positivity.

Set Intentions: Start each day by setting intentions for how you want to feel and approach your tasks. This can create a more positive outlook.

Identify Patterns: Recognize patterns in your thinking that lead to suffering. Understanding these can help you change them.

Practice Acceptance: Accept situations as they are, rather than fighting against them. This acceptance can lead to greater peace.

Embrace the Present: Focus on the present moment instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Happiness is found in the now.

Cultivate Joy: Seek out activities and people that bring you joy. Make time for things that make you smile and feel good.

Ongoing Journey: Understand that happiness and peace are ongoing journeys rather than destinations. Embrace the process of growth and self-discovery.

Community Support: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who uplift you. Community plays a crucial role in your emotional well-being.

This book serves as a useful guide for understanding the intricate web of our thoughts and emotions. The idea that our ideas are the cause of our sensations rather than random outbursts of chaos is explored in further detail. Who knew that our brains had such a strong influence on the roller coaster of emotions we go through every day? The author breaks things down such that it reads more like a casual talk with an informed friend rather than a stuffy self-help lecture. With a touch of humor and personal experiences, the book makes the process of self-discovery feel approachable and, dare I say it, joyful.

One of the most important truths is that everyone of us has the power to choose how we wish to feel. Just consider that! It’s like discovering you have a magic wand that can suddenly take away the stress and worries we often hold onto like a cozy blanket. The author emphasizes the need of letting go of negative thoughts and concentrating on the present. It is a pleasant reminder that we do not have to wait for the perfect circumstance to come our way in order to be happy. Instead, even if it means giggling at our past errors or appreciating the little things, like a properly prepared cup of coffee, we can create our own happiness in the here and now.

In the end, this book is not merely theory; it is brimming with practical guidance that readers may apply to their daily lives. It encourages us to be self-compassionate and treat ourselves with the same respect that we freely give to others. By the time you finish reading, you will likely have a new perspective on life and be ready to take on challenges with a smile and a little more confidence. Therefore, if you’re looking for a way to lessen your emotional weight and discover the secrets to a happier life, this book can be the perfect companion. And who doesn’t want a good laugh while working on their own development?